Sharleen Spiteri
Texas singer on hot dogs, joinery and the Michael Praed look
from FHM June 1999

You’re currently flying all around the world promoting Texas’s new album, The Hush. Do you ever forget what day of the week it is?
I got to the airport this morning, the woman asked if she could check my bags, and I had no idea where I was going. I was just like, “Put me on the plane where I’m supposed to be going.”

You’ve been in New York recently. Did you purchase a rancid hot dog from a street vendor?
I don’t eat red meat, and Christ knows what’s in those things. I was at a Yankees baseball game when I asked for just the bun, and this 70-year-old hot dog seller was like, “I can’t just give you the bun! In all my years at Yankee Stadium, no one has ever asked for just the bun!” And I was like, “You can put a wee bit of ketchup in it if you want…”

You worked as a hairdresser when you were 16. Did you ever take a slice out of a punter’s ear?
Anyone who has ever worked as a hairdresser has done that, but you soon learn that a wet teabag stops the bleeding.

Ever say, “Something for the weekend sir?”
No. I didn’t get that many gents, but there was this one guy who’d come into the salon all the time and bring a photo of Michael Praed from Robin of Sherwood, wanting the same layered feather-cut. At one point his picture was getting a bit tatty, so he covered it in Sellotape to preserve it. His whole world was shattered when Michael Praed got a perm.

Did you save hair for cushions or to turn into wigs?
You could get a nice sideline going in chest wigs for the younger clientele, because by the end of the day you’d be left with piles of the stuff.

You were a tomboy at school – were you forever shinning up tall trees?
Always. I went home to Loch Lomond a few years ago, and showed my niece the tree me and my mates would climb up on a Sunday and listen to the charts having a sly fag. I tried to climb it again, but as you get older it gets more difficult, because the spaces between the branches have got smaller.

What horrific nicknames did “Spiteri” earn you?
Tiswas was massive at the time, so I’d get called Spit The Dog. It sounds bad, but when you’re twelve and there’s this wee dog spitting on TV, it was kind of cool.

When did you last have a blazing row with your mum?
I tend to have more rows with my dad. It’s always over stupid things like putting up a set of shelves. I’m good at DIY. The rest of the band get me to put up CD racks or the handles on their doors – whatever needs doing. I can also do a nice bit of joinery.

You’ve broken your nose four times. Are you clumsy, or just plain violent?
The first time I broke my nose I was twelve; I was late and I knew my dad would kill me, so I took a short cut home. I was running in the pitch black and banged into a tree, so you could say I was clumsy. I got to the front door with blood running down my face and my dad just stood there and went, “You’re four minutes late, you’re in for the week.” The other times I broke it I was just unlucky – diving into a swimming pool, getting hit by a brick….

Any other nasty scrapes you’d care to tell us about?
I’ve got a scar under my eye where I was hit when I was ten. We were playing commandos on a building site: I was in a hideout and someone lobbed a brick in, so I looked up and it whacked me in the face. I’ve also got a split in my head. I was cutting my sister’s hair into the scalp – gave her a big bald patch – when my mum came in the kitchen, so I legged it…straight into my dad, who was doing some DIY with some wood. The edge speared into my head.

What’s the worst chat up line you’ve ever heard?
I’ve never heard a decent one in my life. Blokes think they’re being funny by coming up to me and saying, “Do you know you look just like Sharleen from Texas?” And I’m like “Yeah. Fuck off”.

Your last album, White on Blonde sold four million copies worldwide. Does that mean you’ve got a huge stash in the bank?
I wouldn’t say I’m loaded, but I have a nice life, yes.

You lived in Paris for a year in 1995. Were you quick to learn lots of cool French swear words?
Yeah, I know loads, but with their language if you just add the wrong letter you can say something completely different. They just look at you puzzled.

In gay Paris, did you ever get plastered and end up doing the Can – Can?
I can’t do the Can – Can, and even if I could I’d do it in a pair of jeans and baseball boots, which never goes down the same as when you wear a nice frilly frock.

Do you ever get broody?
I want to have kids without a doubt – like soon. But not in the next five minutes. And no, I’m not pregnant, in case you were wondering.

We have some sexy pictures of you lying on a beach. That doesn’t look like Scotland…
Believe me, it’s not Scotland. I did them in Miami just before Christmas. They’re bloody sexy aren’t they, ha ha! But I guess it depends on what’s sexy to you – standing there with no gear on is completely unsexy to me. I was absolutely soaking in those pictures, rolling around in about three inches of water – it was like swimming in a puddle.

Who do you think should win FHM’s 100 sexiest Women in the World?
Jessica Lange, Jane Birkin or Lauren Hutton – the space between her front teeth is totally sexy. You can give me those three and I’ll be happy, thank you.

What number do you think you’ll come in at?
What, me? Sharleen, sex polls and numbers don’t go together. It’s flattering when you lift up a magazine and see yourself in there, but I don’t think I have the look to make the FHM Top Ten.

Finally, your dad was a sailor. Was your house always full of seamen?
Ha ha! That’s the worst question I’ve ever heard! In fact, that’s not a question – it’s a statement from a fifth form schoolboy. I can’t believe your giggling at that. I knew this interview was going too well…


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